i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
