I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The ass gains better be worth it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
