Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
