"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
