So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
not ubering you a puppy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
