Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
