No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
