I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
