I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
