mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
