I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
