Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
