I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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