I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
