You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Plan B is the new Plan A
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
