we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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