kristin has been a bad kristin
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize