It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
