oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
