It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
