operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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