my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
