OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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