I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
