i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
