Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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