He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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