Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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