she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
