ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
