I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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