he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
