just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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