got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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