our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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