I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I am available for nakedness
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