Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
high people should be assigned attendants
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
