i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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