Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize