oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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