so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
