I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
