i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
