Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
