My girlfriend figured out who you are.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
