There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
