Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
