i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
