I haven't been this sober since birth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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