I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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