I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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