I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize