I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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