I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
