my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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