My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize