you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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