How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
