I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
