Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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