im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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