How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
