Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
