I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
