dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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