I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
