i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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