he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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