I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
