yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
