He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
