She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
