I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize