what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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