this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
